If I Died Young

If I Died Young

I have a debt to pay to share my life experience with whatever power gave me an opportunity to create my existence/life during my short time here.

It is narcissistic to think that somehow I created this ideal healthy/body, this ideal life, and this ideal love, all by myself… And to think I’m somehow special because I did so. I definitely don't think that. 

One thing I learned at a very early age from Jerry & Esther Hicks is that life plays no favorites. She only gives us what we expect. She gives us what we have programmed.

We are using the “laws of the universe” to create, regardless of us being aware of it or not.

Some of us feel heaven on earth, and others are living in hell.

I know what both feels like. I’m not talking about some religious hell, and yeah, I am I referring to the ‘laws of the universe’ as some spiritual cognitive science. Just for the sake of keeping with simple viewpoints to create an argument or opinion.

HELL: Some of us have no passion, no enthusiasm, and some of us pull the covers over our head when our alarm goes off in the morning, because we have nothing to live for. We feel we have zero real friends, the world is out to get us, and everyone in it. We accumulate each bad experience to make us expect another, and before we know it, it’s all we are focused on. Who did wrong to us. We are life’s victim, and life is evil, rough, and we are all going to hell.

HEAVEN: Some of us zeal and passion when waking up. It’s not like we jump out of bed every day, but we are grateful for being alive. We live for the moment and we go out of our way to make sure we are kind, because we know not everyone feels this way. We understand it because we know hell all too well. But every day, we take Benjamin Graham’s advise and “do something foolish, something creative, and something generous.” We’re not afraid to be ourselves as its one of the keys to experiencing heaven on earth. We have become impenetrable to society’s definitions of happiness and success, and learned to create our own for a more fulfilling and happy life.

Each of these two environments are simply created by a set of small beliefs that rule our entire life, whether we are aware of these distinct and very different viewpoints. In a nutshell, those who live in hell react to life’s events and feel no control in altering it, and those in heaven understand that their perspective is the single thing that dictates which environment they dominantly dabble in, and that they ultimately have the control of choice.

Perspective is the classic analogy of the glass is half-full, or is it half-empty? But to make it so simple is to downplay how exhaustingly painful, hurt, and sufferable life can be and all its bullshit we endure on a daily basis when we are down in the gutter.

I will say I have experienced both of these environments, both distinctively and fully.

Now the truth is, each of us wants to be the HERO of our lives. And, a lot of us who are suffering, have found a way to suffer and still be the hero of our story. We don’t have to be the winners to be the hero. If you play victim, you are your own hero, and life, itself, is your nemesis. Life is out to get you! You are taking on dragons! You are brave for just existing! Because life is hard!

Just like the hero of heaven, we believe we are significant, special, one of a kind, daring, and brave. And of course you are. But life is set up for everyone to win AND be the hero. People have hinted how to do this, and I am hinting, too, in my own way, but at the end of the day I am as equally human as you, and I have my moments of feeling like a piece of shit, complete garbage, fucking the system, and blaming life for my shortcomings and suffering. But it all comes full circle… because at the end of the day, you are in direct control of your life. You can climb yourself out of the gutter. It took me 5 years in my 20’s, only to really resurface again after simply deciding I was never going to feel sorry for myself EVER again, knowing full well I can be doing that for decades if I really wanted to.

When you take that responsibility of power, you innately treat yourself differently, better, and you treat others better, as well. Each person who shows up isn’t necessarily meant to stay, but they do provide lessons. And you develop delineating power. People can be a day lesson, month lesson, year lesson, or anything in between. But to put so much emphasis on everything will make you go insane. And trying to discover how the world works and feeling like you need to have all the answers is a recipe for disaster. Sometimes just getting these feelings of “bullshit” out in a journal in the morning is the best way to shut all that mental garbage down. Then, you feel relieved, and better, and you can let the unknowns be just that; unknown.

So, I’m not going to give you any spiritual hypothetical algorithm through my blogs. But I am going to tell you how a fat little average fuck proceeded to do some impossible things. Maybe not impossible to you (maybe you play in the NFL which was impossible for me and I never succeeded), or maybe you’re a famous singer (always wanted to learn), but the point is, what is impossible for me is my own story. Just like some of you will read this and feel it’s impossible to ever get in world-class shape. But unless you have some extreme medical condition, it’s not only possible, it’s plausible. And you doing what you love and being able to make a business out of it is 100% plausible, too. It just takes a different viewpoint than the one you’ve had, and a lot of failing.

I have a debt to pay to life. To show my gratitude for helping me achieve some impossible goals. And the biggest goal is finding real happiness.  If I die young, maybe that will be what makes people read my words. Or, maybe no one will.  The problem is no one can read my words because I have nothing preserved to leave, except an empty shell that the world called, “beautiful,” that will fade to dust at my final resting place.

I have no kids, but if there was another kid from a limiting environment, where he felt he could only amount to only so much (let’s be real, how many of us feel this way! MOST!), I would want him to read my words and realize that I’m just some fat average little kid who stuck to some radical beliefs of what life could do. Not because I'm special. 

Maybe it just helps you feel better about yourself, or maybe it catapults you into a new daring direction in your life, but regardless, I need to preserve my spirit/soul, and doing calendars will never give anyone an opportunity to feel my soul who doesn’t know me. But written words will.

If I die young, believe me, I lived a life worth living. I had my moments of feeling sorry for myself, and hating life, but at the end of the day, if I left this beautiful place, I would be happy with ONLY ONE REGRET. Not writing a book. It is more for me than anyone else. It is a lifelong dream I have had, bigger than Hollywood, valedictorian, a college quarterback, or any other grandiose thing I might do in life. I built it up so much that I made it intimidating. But now, I’m not focused on writing one book. I am focused on writing dozens.

My ultimate goal is to show the world how ‘weak’ I really am; that you don’t have to be fearless to be a rock star (not that I’m remotely close to rock star status).

It’s going to be an awesome decade ahead. And I will be privileged waking up every day, being able to try to make the world a better place because I’m a corny motherfucker like that.